Random Christmas
by PockyAddict
Summary: Very late Christmas fic. Warning: Contains utter randomness, singing assassins and SMILING AYA?
1. Twas the Night Before Christmas

Disclaimer: No I don't own any of Weiss, *cries* or any royalties that Christmas songs may posses. I'm just 'borrowing' them to use in this little piece of not-so-random insanity. *grins evilly*  
  
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'Twas the night before the day before Christmas, and all through the house... everyone was up, because that's the way vengeful assassins are.  
  
Youji&Schu: *drunk on eggnog (which happens to be spiked, how did that get there?) and bawling out garbled Christmas carols*.  
  
Farfie: *crouches resentfully in a corner, muttering darkly (but not so quietly) at any reference to God. *  
  
The ensuing racket goes something like this...  
  
Youji&Schu: "Siiilient Niiiiight--"  
  
Farfie: "Except for the screaming."  
  
Youji&Schu: "Hooooolyyyyyyyy Niiiiiiight--"  
  
Farfie: "Because screaming--"  
  
Youji&Schu: "All iiiiisss callllllmuh--"  
  
Farfie: "--hurts God."  
  
Crawford: *sits almost resignedly in his chair, while visions of, no, not sugar plums, but tomorrow night being exactly like this, danced in his head. Groans.*  
  
Aya: *in the other recliner, staring pointedly at the fireplace.*...  
  
Ken: *is in kitchen baking cookies*  
  
All: *sweatdrop*  
  
Nagi: *lays on the floor in front of the Christmas tree, arranging the decorations telekinetically in what looked like a mini-ballet of colored orbs, icicles, tinsel, and lights. There is a good amount of backseat driving here from the 'carolers,' who, finally deflated at Farfie's literal mutilation of their songs, are 'assisting.'*  
  
Youji: "Naginaginagi! Put that one with the little puppydog over there!"  
  
Schu: "Nooooooooo, he should put it there, by the one with the kitty!"  
  
Youji: "It's myyyyyyy ornament, put it where I said."  
  
Schu: *very intoxicated* "Nagiiiiii—hey! Nagi, Eggnoggy, EGGNAGI!" *falls into Yohji, and they both collapse in a chortling heap--  
-- and are promptly pelted by ornaments, followed by the rest of the tree.*  
  
Youji&Schu: *merely take this as a cue to begin singing 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Fire' (as this song doesn't contain God, Farfie has no problem)*  
  
Crawford: *begins rubbing his temples,... doesn't know how much more of this he can stand... *  
  
Aya: *listens to the noise, mentally replacing 'chestnuts' with Takatori. Smiles.*  
  
All action: stops.  
  
Youji&Schu: *stare at him, conveniently sobered, (now looking sheepish and at opposite sides of the room)*  
  
Schu: "Wai(Wow). Aya smiled." * had not believed that Aya was capable of any such thing*  
  
Aya: smile is now gone, replace with an irritated look.  
  
Youji: *mystified* "OMI! Did you see that! Aya,... hey, where's Omi?"  
  
Schu: *looks at Yohji* "Oh, no."  
  
Youji *looks back* "Did we leave him..."  
  
Together: *panicked* "...IN THE SNOWMAN!!!"  
  
Youji&Schu: *Run to door and shout* "OMI!!!!!!"  
  
Omi: *From his room* "Huh?"  
  
Schu: *drawls* "Whatcha doin'?"  
  
Omi: * hurriedly* "Nothing!"  
  
Schu: *Takes a peek in Omi's mind and finds that it is most certainly not 'nothing,' smiles* "C'mon, what were you doing..."*adds ominously* "on you computer..."  
  
Youji: *Smiles knowingly*  
  
Omi: "Nothing!"  
  
Schu: *Shoves into Omi's room and, stealing Omi's password from his head  
(Omi: HEY!), opens the file Omi just closed*  
  
Youji: *Leans over Schu's shoulder to see screen expectantly*  
  
Schu: "ahem" *reads aloud* "dear Santa..."  
  
Youji: *facefualt*  
  
Schu: "last year's stuff was great, thanx, and I've left his year's list a bit late so I'll make it short—"  
Five Minuets Later  
"—a new motorcycle more flower pots and more poison darts..." *Schu stops, horrified*  
  
Youji: *Looks disgusted* "You little perv."  
  
Schu: * outraged* "How dare you ask Santa Claus for the things you use to kill people! That's like, that's just,..." *becomes lost for words*  
  
Farfie: *Walks in with the baby Jesus from the Nativity scene impaled on a knife, hearing conversation* "That's just wrong."  
  
Schu: *Turns to look at Farfie* "HUH?!?"  
  
Farfie: *Shrugs* "Santa Claus hurts God"  
  
Schu: "Okaaaaaaaay..." *decides he doesn't want to know*  
  
Omi: *confused* but I'm almost out...  
  
Youji&Schu&Farfie: *shake heads. It seems some people will do anything for the sake of killing.*  
  
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ChibiDraki-chan: "Hope you liked it! Sorry about the absence of Kenken, he'll be in the next one!"  
  
Ken: *Pouting* "Really?"  
  
PA-chan: "Hai(Yes)."  
  
Ken: *insta-chibi, smiles* "Okaaaay!" 


	2. Why Santa Claus Hurts God

PA-chan: This was written in response to a review, but I was always planning on explaining anways  
  
Ken: Am I in this one?  
  
PA-chan: Noo! I'm sorry. *comforts sobbing KenKen*  
  
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Why Santa Claus Hurts God  
  
Later Christmas evening, (or rather morning) when mostly everyone in the house was sleeping, Farfie, Nagi and Omi remained in the living room. The scene was rather eerie; the Christmas tree had never got quite back together, and Farfie had exchanged actual light for his ritualistic candles. The fireplace, of course, was extinguished, it wasn't like he was sadistic or anything. And besides, Santa Claus hurts God.  
  
Nagi: Santa Claus hurts God? Why? Who is he anyways?  
  
Farfie: I was getting to that. Ahem...  
  
"In this very age," He begins, in a spooky voice, "there is a man, named Santa Claus. People have been looking for him, yes searching very hard... but his hideout is impossible to find. This elusive base is referred to as...The North Pole."  
  
Omi: So? Why does that make him so bad?  
  
Farfie: JUST LET ME FINISH!  
  
"There, in that terrible freezing place, is where he has his workshop. In this workshop, he forces little people, almost children, to make 'toys.' These toys might make a child happy, for a while, but in the end, they just want more! They do nothing but play with them, they lose intelligence and ingenuity, they horde them selfishly. They spurn hard bought gifts from parents and grandparents, like clothes, or books, or educational things. It is these that he distributes to anyone he feels in need of corruption.  
How, do you ask, does he do it? Well I'll tell you. Reindeer, poor things. An endangered species, I believe. On these he has performed numerous debilitating experiments, until he finally stumbled upon the solution, and designed the reindeer to fly. Not just any flight, of course. That would take to long. And a jet is not acceptable, gas prices are too high. So, these reindeer, through much abuse, are made to traverse the world in a single night.  
He plays God! He swoops through the sky with his bag of toys, mentally separating the righteous from the evil. He can always see you, he knows all of what you are thinking. If you are bad, okay. A piece of coal to remind you of his existence, but for the most part, he leaves you alone. But if you're good..."  
  
Nagi felt a shiver go down his spine.  
  
"If you're good, he visits your house. It happens to little boys and girls all over the world. He lands on your roof, him in his blood red suit, with black boots, a huge stomach that shakes with malice when he laughs, and sparks in his eyes."  
  
Nagi thought he heard something on the roof, the sound of heavy boots, and an evil chuckle.  
"He comes, with his bag of toys, and forces himself down the chimney."  
  
Omi saw soot fall into the fire place, and a grunting noise echoed in the silence.  
  
"He sneaks into the house, to leave you one of his special toys, and eats all food in sight..."  
  
A huge thump, and a figure fell out of the hearth, and stood up, dusting himself off.  
  
Omi and Nagi stared. The figure looked at them, eyes reflecting oddly.  
  
Nagi: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *runs into room screaming, locks door*  
  
Omi: *scared out of his wits* I AM SO SORRY!!!! I'LL NEVER ASK FOR DARTS AGAIN!!!!! DON'T GIVE ME ANYTHING!!!! *runs into room as well *  
  
Schu:*Standing shocked in Santa Suit* Gosh, and I thought they'd appreciate this....  
  
Farf: SANTA! YOU'RE MY HERO! *hugs*  
  
Schu: O_O 


End file.
